The Date Night Pact
You’re beautiful and incredible — let’s have dinner together.
Do you remember those days? The romance, the dates that were so common they just felt like sexy meals? Life was a little glammer pre-kids. Maybe you had time to do things to your hair. Maybe you felt vavoom in your red dress.
But somewhere between having kids and your husband’s new hours at work, you lost the drive to make it happen anymore. Date night became a chore that wasn’t worth the hassle of finding a decent sitter and shaving your legs, and you stopped trying.
It’s not uncommon, but it’s also no good.
Parents who don’t make enough time to be together without their kids and actively work on their relationships often face the consequences later on. There’s less connection, and so suddenly, you’re more coworkers than you are lover — a recipe for so-not-sexy workplace tension that makes you want to do anything but share a meal together.
It’s a cyclical process, and bottom line, you’ve just gotta hop off the hamster wheel and stop putting it off: It’s time to ask your significant other out on a date.
It’s Okay to Put Your Marriage First
Believe it or not, the statistics are showing that the divorce rate has been on an impressive, and super steady decline. Over the last 35 years, the divorce rate in America has decreased by 25%.
Some experts attribute declining rates to the destigmatization of cohabitation, i.e. people shacking up before they get hitched. More time spent together pre-nuptials seems to have given couples the experience they need to go the distance and stick it out.
So it’s not society, the fallacy of marriage, or anything else that’s driving couples apart. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’s the challenges with, once in a not-so-great-while, putting our marriage above everything else.
Say it with me moms and dads: Children with parents who have happy marriages are happier kids.
It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, it’s okay to say you need to enjoy a quiet meal together.
Because there will always be something: sleep regressions, a runny nose, a temper tantrum, a poopsplosion. And so many times, the kids are going to win the tug of war with your time. But when it’s time to reconnect with your spouse (and trust me, you’ll know when that time is), THAT is your priority — let the babysitter handle the poopsplosion.
This is important, so pay attention — these action steps are going to get YOU into a routine of going out for dates you love with the person you love. Do the homework. Make it happen.
Your kids deserve happy parents who love each other.
Step One: Find Childcare You LOVE
Childcare is, quite possibly, THE top reason couples don’t make it on enough dates. Set your standards high, but be aggressive in your search — you’ll need at least one trusted babysitter, and then a few backups in the event that your top choice is unavailable.
Word of mouth referrals go a long way with finding somebody great, but lots of referrals can also mean they’re in really high demand. Talk to the other parents and get the scoop, and then be prepared to offer a special date night rate to your top choice to secure your time slot.
If you’re on a budget and the funds for a babysitter are tough to come by, try a date night swap with another couple instead. Find a great family you know and trust, ideally with kids similar in age, and offer to watch their kids while they go out, and then ask them to return the favor.
Step Two: Put It In the Budget
When you have kids, the cost of childcare becomes a hidden part of the date night budget. Get ahead of it and factor it all in:
- Childcare costs
- Food
- Transportation
- Entertainment
Figure out what your per date cost is, and then use that number to determine how many you can afford to go on every month.
Step Three: Make a Pact
Now it’s time to make yourself a promise:
We will go on at least one date per month EVERY month this year.
Things will come up, as they always do, but make a solid effort, and try to corner yourself into following through. Some parents even pay trusted babysitters in advance for the month, just to give themselves an incentive to follow through.
Put it on the calendar, start talking to your kids about it, and then find something to wear that makes you feel like a million bucks.
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I totally agree with all of these. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 2 year old. It is so important to have quality time with your spouse/significant other. I wish to continue implementing date nights until we are old.