Real Talk: How to Do Self Care When You Have No Help

by Yummii Nguyen September 12, 2019 967 Views

True self-care is the practice of cultivating daily habits that contribute to nourishing our mind, body, and spirit.

When our mind, body, and spirit are nourished and in alignment – we can give from the overflow.

So how do you make time for self-care when you’re either on your own; your significant other has a demanding job, or help is unavailable?

It is possible. Let’s explore some simple self-care habits that cultivate and nourish the mind, body, and spirit – that will make all the difference to your experience of parenthood, and life.

Self Care for Your Mind

Your thoughts matter. What you think about how you feel has a direct influence on your actions, your words, and how you react to the challenges around you. When we don’t have the physical support in raising a family, it is easy to be hijacked by heightened emotions. Self-care for the mind empowers us to think and perceive more generously. We start adopting a “growth” mindset over a “fixed” mindset.

Three Ways You Can Start To Cultivate Self-Care For Your Mind

Start Noticing Your Self-Talk and Start Guarding Your Relationship with Youself

Does your self-talk empower you or disempower you? Are you your own best friend, or are you your own worst critic? I want you to imagine your child 21 years from now; how would you want their self-talk to be? Children learn from what we do, not from what we say. Your relationship with yourself can be a beautiful love affair, or it can be an abusive and destructive relationship. Your self-talk matters.

Give yourself the opportunity to be inspired

Paul Smith has a beautiful book called; You Can Find Inspiration In Everything If You Can’t Look Again.

We have the power to train our minds. We can feed our minds inspiration via listening to a podcast, watching a YouTube channel, or reading an empowering blog post. Inspiration is a muscle. In gifting yourself the opportunity to be inspired, you’ll perceive the circumstances around you from a more “inspired” outlook.

Have a Powerful Go-To Mantra

One of the biggest challenges of Motherhood was waking up frequently to breastfeed when Avery was going through a “leap” or mental development. He would wake up every hour or two. My mantra for that first year was; “Today, is a brand new day”.

This mantra was placed on a corner of our Vision Board and made all the difference. The night may have been tough, and I was reminded in the morning, that today, “this is a brand new day”, with brand new moments that I have never experienced before.

Find a mantra or a go-to quote that will serve you through this season of parenthood. By directing your mind to pay attention to this mantra, you are taking charge of your mind’s focus. What we focus on, expands.

Self Care for Your Body

How we nourish our bodies is directly correlated to how energized we feel about life. It is easy to fall victim to neglecting our bodies when we have no help in looking after the little ones – and it is more important than ever to nurture and nourish this powerful vessel so it can serve us.

Three Ways You Can Start To Cultivate Self-Care For Your Body

Take a Walk in Nature

Nature is healing, soothing, and therapeutic. Being in nature and taking your children out to be in nature has proven to impact our well-being and have a positive impact on our mood. Our overactive minds are given an opportunity to calm down.

If you are the primary caretaker, make an effort to take your children in nature – it is both beneficial for them and you. When you are in nature, allow yourself to soak up the awe – and let Mother Nature work her magic to heal, soothe, and restore your physical self.

Nourish your body by eating well and being well-hydrated

During the week – eat well, and keep hydrated. This doesn’t mean you can’t indulge here and there – Have that be the exception rather than the norm. When we feel we have no time, or when we are running on empty, we are more likely to either skip meals or eat on the go and consume unhealthy food. Being conscious of what you feed your body will help you feel empowered and expansive.

Sleep Earlier

I know, you’re craving that “me-time”. After a full day of children climbing all over you and feeling spent, you want time to yourself that you can watch and do whatever you want. That reprieve from being a parent.

You want to stay up late, aimlessly surf social media or do whatever it is you want… except it is a vicious cycle. You’ll wake up tired and spent, “surviving” the day, then staying up late for that “me” time. You’re running on empty. The irony is this – when you’re running on empty, and you’re giving from empty – this is when you’re going to crave “me-time” and compromise sleeping earlier. However, when you are nourished in mind, body, and spirit – and you’re giving from the overflow; you value and respect your body’s needs. Sleep is one of those needs.

If you’re serious about self-care for your body, start getting interested in being well-rested and cultivating a healthy relationship with sleep. Your body is powerful – and it is only as powerful to the extent it feels rejuvenated and restored.

Self Care for your Spirit

Your spirit is your connection to yourself. It is our sense of worthiness, our sense of belonging, our sense of connection, and our contribution to the world. When we are connected to our spirit – we feel alive. We feel purposeful. We feel that our life has meaning, and we matter.

Three Ways You Can Start To Cultivate Self-Care For Your Spirit

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude shifts everything, it unlocks the fullness of life – and no matter what the circumstance, whatever challenges we are facing, it is possible to find something to be grateful for. Developing a gratitude practice contributes to opening up our hearts. When we start opening up our hearts, we move our focus from not being enough, not having enough, not being supported enough to acknowledging our strength, our courage, and embracing our humanity. Gratitude contributes to compassion and kindness for ourselves – which leads to compassion and kindness for others.

Find something to be grateful for every morning when you wake up and before you go to bed. Share it with your partner/ spouse and your children.

Meditate

Meditation is about bringing awareness. When we meditate, we are paying attention to our breath, we are paying attention to the thoughts that consume our mind, and we are paying attention to and hearing what our mind/ body is telling us.

Meditation is a learned skill – and guided meditation apps such as Calm and Insight Timer are great options to embark on cultivating a meditation practice as part of your self-care program.

The more we meditate, the more awareness we bring into our daily lives. By learning how to be aware of our internal dialogue and our reactions, we hold the power over how we show up in our daily life.

Bring the Joy

Brendan Burchard is one of my favorite teachers and mentors – and he has a powerful mantra: “Bring the joy!”. He says, “Intentionally decide to make that situation or that place you’re going, better. Why not try and challenge yourself to be responsible for bringing good energy?“

Our spirit has the power to “bring the joy!” This is the caveat – It has to come from an authentic place. This isn’t about perfection, and it isn’t about “disguising” your feelings or ignoring when you are genuinely feeling spent and need a break.

Whatever you’re dealing with, rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; how much joy do I feel right now? Then ask, what could I bring to make it one or two points more? Bringing the joy can be turning on some music and having a dance-off with your children, bringing the joy can be having a karaoke session in the car – even if it’s to “The Wheels on the Bus!”.

Self-care in parenting is often perceived as a luxury or something that takes a lot of time and money – and is limited to the lucky few. When you are a single parent or are on your own with your children for most of the time – self-care can prove to be even more elusive!

The above suggestions sound “simple”. And they are. Self-care is meant to be simple. As a parent, we are committed to showing up as best we can for our children – we all want to be the best parent we can be that is calm, understanding, and patient…and we are seeking fulfillment within. It starts with showing up for ourselves. Doing the inner work.

When we are nourished in mind, body, and spirit – we can give from the overflow. Start where you are. Self-care is all about progress, not perfection. It is a journey of learning to be your own best friend.