When I think back to when I had my first child at 25, I remember so many feelings of overwhelm, so many moments of thinking, ‘How the hell am I supposed to shower??’

It was madness. It was insanity. It was exhausting. And so many days, like so many other moms, I was doing it with no help.

I literally cannot even imagine how hard it must be to do it with less life experience. But that’s the perspective I got when I read through Tania’s story, a young mother who got pregnant when she was 15 years old.

 

Strong As a Mother — Meet Tania

Before we go any further, let me say this — Tania was not the girl you peg for getting pregnant in high school. She had no desire to have children, a straight-A record, and just wanted to finish school with all of her friends.

But just like it does for fully formed, ‘responsible’ adults, life happened to Tania, and she wound up unexpectedly pregnant as a teenager in high school. And she didn’t crumble, she rose.

“Once I found out I was pregnant, my parents made a decision I will forever be grateful for: ‘You made him, you will bring him into the world, and you will raise him.’ I was on my own.”

Despite getting pregnant at such a young age, Tania saw her pregnancy to term, and raised her baby boy while she completed high school. She did it on her own, against all odds, and has officially raised the bar for the rest of us.

“I was only 15 when I became pregnant. I had to seriously buckle down to finish high school before I had him. That was really hard. But it taught me that with hard work I could accomplish anything.

I finished high school. I was able to be a full-time mom and have a job to support us once he was born. If I hadn’t graduated early, it would’ve been a huge struggle to do all three as a teenager.”

 

Teen Moms by the Numbers

Despite what horrifying stories you see on reality TV, teen pregnancy rates have been on a steady decline for decades now. In fact, from 1990 to 2008, the teen pregnancy rate decreased 42 percent in the United States.

In spite of that rapid decline, about three in ten young women in the United States will get pregnant before the age of 20. Of those that get pregnant in high school, more than 50% won’t graduate.

 

Does Social Stigma Freaking Help?

Aside from the challenges that come with giving birth while they’re still physically developing themselves, finishing high school, going to college, and EVERYTHING ELSE, teen moms face an enormous amount of social stigma.

“I think people assume that when you’re a teen mother, [that] you made bad decisions and your parents will take over taking care for the baby.

But every story is different. I was a straight-A student who, yeah, didn’t like school, but I never was a “bad” kid. I was sassy sure, haha, but what teen isn’t! I was 15 and in love.

The stigma of teen mothers hits hard. I think every story needs to be heard and understood.”

Teen mothers are more likely to have complicated child births, postpartum depression, and financial difficulty, due to the challenges of finishing school and going to college. Of teen moms, only 3% will graduate from a post-secondary institution before their 30th birthday.

“I had never taken care of a child before. It was so difficult. I had PPD for a little while after having him. I just didn’t know what to do, and it was super stressful. I didn’t have a support system. None of my friends understood, they were too busy with junior year of high school or football games.”

 

Growing Up Together

One thing that many people don’t consider when they think of teen mothers is that they often grow up with their children — an experience that, though challenging, is also magical in its own way.

“I got to grow up with him. We learned everything together.”

Since missing out on her teen years to be a mother, Tania is only just now experiencing what it’s like to be her own person with her own interests and passions. She says the adjustment has taken some getting used to, but now she’s leaning into life and embracing what she’s passionate about.

“I love photography, art, and food, and I got lucky enough that my son does too. Now that he is older though, I’m starting to discover what my personality is besides “mom”. It’s tough. I’ve been mom most of my life.”

 

Supporting Teen Moms This Mother’s Day

Teen moms do not need to be shamed to be better moms. They do not need to be ostracized or criticized for becoming pregnant, something that can happen to literally anyone who is sexually active as a teenager.

Instead, Tania says the best thing you can do for a teen mom is to offer her support.

To other teen moms, Tania offers these words of encouragement:

“Reach out! Do not be shy or think it’s wrong to ask for help. Yeah, you can try and do it alone, but it takes a village to raise a child! [It] took me a long time to realize that. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Every child is different and needs different parenting.”

 

We asked Tania what she wanted for Mother’s Day this year.

“To be pampered!! Or new home stuff. We’re moving this month. That’s super tough to do haha!”

 

Did you know a girl in your school that got pregnant before graduation? What would you have done differently to offer her support?