Stay at home dads unite — the numbers are on the rise, and more male counterparts are electing to stay home and raise the herd while their spouses bring home the bacon.

It’s noble. It’s boss. It’s admirable.

But it can also be incredibly isolating.

Moms have built up some really fantastic social channels over the years, means of coping with the isolating nature of being a stay at home parents. As dads break onto the homemaker scene in increasing numbers, the support networks haven’t caught up yet, and many dads find themselves struggling to get social outside of the workplace.

Having less in common with their working and bachelor-life-living peers puts stay-at-home dads in the tough spot of having preschoolers as their sole source of conversation from nine to five, and many struggles to climb out of this box.

It doesn’t have to be all finger paints and potty training, though. Dads, grab your cookies and load the stroller into the truck — there are others out there like you, and they want to play Mario Kart.

 

Getting Into the Psychology

 

 

It’s well documented that men in their 30s typically struggle to make new friends. Due to a combination of psychological and lifestyle factors, as friends from high school and work fall away, new meaningful relationships become more and more difficult for men in particular to establish.

Add kids to the mix, and it feels almost impossible.

As young adults, who our friends are is largely determined by our seating charts at school and our teams at work. When men wrap up with school and leave the workforce, they come to depend on their wives’ social lives to create new friendships, which leaves them dependent on someone else to establish a new network of trusted confidants.

Women are naturally social creatures, and men are naturally competitive — it can be challenging for stay-at-home dads to override their programming and reach out for social connection.

 

Know Where to Find Other Stay At Home Dads

 

 

If you can get past the initial weirdness of having to actively seek new friendships, you’ll find that you’re far from the only one.

Though the issue is less discussed for stay at home dads versus stay at home moms, and as such, less of a support network exists, there are a few online social groups that cater to this specific demographic:

• Stay At Home Dads (a Facebook group)
• Stay At Home Dads: Geek Edition (a Facebook group)
• National At-Home Dad Network (Support group)
• National At-Home Dad Network (a Facebook group)

The At-Home Dad Network has a tool that allows you to search geographically for dad groups in your area, too.

Search for Dad Groups In Your Area

You can also use platforms like Meetup to find local dad gatherings in your area, or even just kid-friendly, ultra-manly events that provide you with opportunities to rub elbows with people who get what you do every day (or at least have the same taste in music).

 

Be Your Kids’ Social Agent

 

 

Another great tactic for making more friends when you’re at home with the kids is a simple one that provides you with a social buffer: “Let’s set up a playdate.”

When our kids are little, they largely depend on us to create situations for social interaction for them outside of school. In essence, they have a MUCH easier time making friends if we’re socializing too.

Use this as a tool for mutual social benefit. Set up playdates with families who you think you’ll have a lot in common with, both where the kids are concerned and the parents.

Be Where They Are

 

 

Stay-at-home parents have daily schedules that are completely different from working parents. You’ll find them at parks on a weekday afternoon, at library tot times, and grocery shopping midday.

Hang out more in these public spaces, and you’ll find you’re not the only dad sitting on the park bench in the afternoon. It’s a simple step, but it puts you in the right place at the right time to meet people who get what you do every day.

From there? All it takes is the guts to say hello.

 

Adjust Your Standards

 

 

Before kids, you got to be picky.

I’m not really into sports.

I never have time to play video games.

Yeah, but his politics are pretty crazy.

You were constantly in situations that produced social opportunities, so it wasn’t a big deal to be super selective with who you were capable of having a good time.

Now? The tiny humans rule your world, and social opportunities are harder to come by. It doesn’t require you to hang out with jerks, but it does require you to be more open-minded and simplify your standards for buddy material.

Moreso than a friend’s politics or sports interests, look at how well your kids get along and how you can kill an afternoon while the kids burn off some energy in the backyard.

 

It Doesn’t Have to Be Just You and the Kids

 

 

Sure, it’s a gift to be able to stay at home with your kids and watch them grow up, but it’s also an exercise in mental stability. Something about being stuck in a house all day arguing with tiny versions of yourself makes you go little nuts after a while.

It’s perfectly normal, it’s perfectly healthy, and it’s absolutely recommended by family professionals to get out there and seek adult interaction.

That said, you’ve gotta be proactive. You’ve gotta get outside your comfort zone. And you’ve probably gotta exercise some social skills you haven’t had to use since the fourth grade.

Keep it simple, and don’t overthink it. You’re not the only one craving adult interaction, and you’re definitely not the only one feeling weird about trying to make new friends.

It’s scary, it’s exciting, and sometimes, it’s downright funny how it happens.

 

Are you a stay-at-home dad? Tell us how you’ve made new friends over the years in the comments below!