Becoming a parent is one of life’s biggest joys. It’s a love that’s indescribable. It’s also one of the hardest jobs in the entire world.

Growing up, I dreamt of the day I’d get married and have kids. I remember playing the game MASH on a regular basis with my friends. We loved that game. I had my future all planned out on paper, even down to my future children’s names.  

Of course, when you’re young, you don’t have a clue what curveballs life will throw at you, and I was completely oblivious to what parenting was really like. I’d often hear how hard it was to be a parent, and that I would never truly understand it until I had a child of my own.  

I’m not a doctor, psychologist, or counselor, nor do I have a degree that says I’m a child expert. I’m just a parent like you who is trying to do the best job I can at raising these tiny humans.

Through conversations and books, these techniques are a few I’ve learned and put into practice that has helped me become a better mom and calmer parent.

 

Creating a Happy Environment

No one’s home is organized perfectly. It’s inevitable; stuff is going to enter our homes. That’s just how life is (especially if you have kids!). But living in a home that’s unorganized and full of clutter causes more stress in my life. Clutter makes me feel irritable and overwhelmed.

Our daughter is now in kindergarten. Between preschool and kindergarten, she easily could’ve published five art books with the amount of art that she came home with. We had to get a handle on the madness. Setting up filing systems helped make decisions on what art pieces to keep.

We use our kitchen and den daily. Like many other families, we spend the most time here too. It’s so easy to have things pile up on the kitchen counter because it’s the first place we walk into when we enter the house. Weekly, I make a point to remove items from our counter, and it feels amazing once it’s gone.

Another area of focus is toys. The parenting books fail to mention the number of toys you’ll accumulate.

Organizing toys is a little like jumping through a ring of fire hoping you don’t step on a lego all while holding a baby. (Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but it’s definitely a challenge!)

Creating an environment where toys weren’t irritating made all the difference in the world. Using the Trofast system from IKEA has made toy clean-up a breeze. Plus, the organizer is nice to look at, so it isn’t an eyesore.

Living in a home that’s clutter-free has lowered my stress level which has resulted in me being a calmer parent.

 

Starting the Day Before the Kids

 

Getting up early puts me in the driver’s seat for the day. When I was waking up with my kids, I always felt like I was running behind. I would find myself being late and not being able to get things done.

Our kids used to be our alarm clocks. There were many mornings where I hoped they were going to fall back to sleep and never did. I felt like Kevin’s mom in Home Alone when they woke up late and had to get to the airport. Straight. Up. Chaos.  

Sleeping in is non-existent in our house. I had to accept that we likely won’t see this for years to come. Since this realization, life has been easier.

After I started getting up before my children, everything changed. I was able to start my day off on the right foot and feel really good about myself. My morning routine consists of bible study and journaling. I use the First 5 apps and study guide and do that the first thing in the morning. Once that is done, I journal. I write down what I’m grateful for, my dreams, and my intentions for the day. Journaling has been therapeutic, and it has helped me become a calmer and happier parent.

 

Making Eye Contact

Growing up, I remember being taught to look at someone in the eye when you are talking to them because it’s rude if you don’t. A coach reminded me of this technique. She said to tell your child to look at you when you are talking to them. This hasn’t solved everything, but it has made things much easier.

Have you ever felt your spouse wasn’t listening to you when you’re telling a story because they aren’t looking at you? I know I have.  

When I’m making eye contact, there’s a connection that allows me to connect with my spouse and fully engage in our conversation. Without eye contact, I can become easily distracted.

“More is caught than taught” is a saying I first heard from Dave Ramsey. Now our kids will say to us “look at me” when they want to tell us a story and we aren’t paying attention.  

Looking them in the eye also helps us figure out if they are lying. Discovering your kid has lied sends a flame through your body that you didn’t know was possible. At the same time, you’re giving yourself a pat on the back for the incredible detective work you’ve uncovered. It’s like a scene from the movie, “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”

Having our kids look me in the eye has helped keep me calm when situations start to get crazy.  

 

Face-to-Face Conversations

Have you ever tried to talk to someone in another room? I have. It’s much easier to shout that it’s time for dinner when our kids are playing upstairs because going upstairs can be a pain in the rear end. It’s just one more thing to do and it’s irritating.

However, having a face-to-face conversation captures their attention which results in them listening more. Going into their room and telling them it’s time to come down for dinner is more likely to get them to the dinner table versus shouting it throughout the house.  

Putting Down The Phone

Say what?! The device so many of us are addicted to??!! It’s become my favorite pastimes — going to events or watching people at the airport, everyone and their mom is on their device.

Have you ever felt frustrated with your child when you’re on the phone? Guilty as charged. I’ve found that my responses are shorter, and I’m more irritated when they’ve asked me something and I’m on my phone. When I’m not on my phone, I’m less likely to check social media too. Social media has been known to cause stress and anxiety. I personally have felt this and only follow things now that inspire me. 

Two things that have helped are scheduling a specific time in my calendar to check social media and turning off notifications. It sounds a bit rigid to schedule social in your calendar but for me, it works. It’s given me more control and has helped keep my stress level down.

 

Release Tension, Set Intention

“Release tension, set intention” is a practice from Brendan Burchard’s book, High-Performance Habits. In his book, he describes a client who was moving from one thing to the next without taking any breaks and the toll that type of lifestyle took on his well-being. Burchard encourages us to instead be intentional with everything we do.

I set out to try this practice with parenting. It’s hard, but it works. It’s hard to not get frustrated when you’ve asked your daughter three times if she’s brushed her teeth and the response is still “no.” It makes me want to pull my hair out. However, when I let go of my frustration and set my intention on the end result, it makes all the difference in the world.

Another way I’ve used this technique is before our daughter gets home from school.  I’ve set an alarm five minutes before she’s supposed to be home and finish the task at hand instead of being in the middle of it when she arrives. The task might not be completed to my liking, but I’m finished with it for the time being.

Prior to implementing this, I would be in the middle of something, go get her from the bus stop without any type of transition. I would still be thinking about what I was doing and what needed to be done when we got back to the house.

Once I started giving myself time to finish up my task and mentally change gears, I’ve been able to give my kids my complete attention.

 

Giving Choices

Forcing someone to do something is a challenge, especially with kids. It drains your energy. I can’t remember exactly where or when we decided to try this technique, but we decided to start offering choices to our kids. We let them know there are good choices and there are bad choices. This method has given them autonomy and has reduced the number of battles in our homes.

We were running into issues with the kids not picking up their toys, so we started offering them two choices: they could pick up the toys as we asked, or I’d pick them up myself. The choice was theirs. However, if I had to pick up the toys, there was a consequence — the toys would be donated to someone else that would take care of them.  

We let them know their toys were gifts from people who love them and taking care of them was their responsibility.

Offering up choices has helped keep our frustration levels down.

 

Taking a Deep Breath

When one of our kids has a meltdown, it feels like a volcano has exploded and we’re trying to get away from the hot lava.

We keep a quote on our refrigerator from L. R. Knost as a reminder to remain calm. It says:

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”

One thing we try to do is tell our kids to take a deep breath. When they do, they are immediately calmer. When we tell them to take a deep breath, we do it with them which also helps keep us calm.

 

Take Care of Yourself

When you get sick, there’s nothing in the world you’d rather be than healthy. A cold or the flu wipes you out, and it can take weeks to get back into the groove. When you’re sick, you’re irritable because you’re not feeling well. Getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and working out is the pathway to staying healthy.

It’s hard to stay healthy, especially on the go. Grabbing healthy convenient food really isn’t easy. Have you ever walked into McDonald’s with the best intentions, but the smell of french fries captured your attention? The salad never stood a chance. I confess — I’ve done this on more than one occasion. Packing your own snacks is the best way to stay healthy and prevent hanger.

When you have kids, there’s a good chance that someone’s going to get sick occasionally. You’re not going to be able to fight off every single germ, but you can do your best to stay healthy by eating well, resting well, and exercising.

 

Trying Is Everything

Since making these practices a part of our family life, I’ve become a calmer parent and a better person. It didn’t happen overnight and all at the same time. If you are looking to make a change, start with one thing and master it, then move on to the next thing.

Remaining calm while Chucky and his bride have taken over your children is hard, but it IS possible.

Here’s to being a happy, healthier, and calmer parent!